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  • Writer's pictureJulia Kwiatkowski

Coming out of the closet: Confessions from a reformed Christian

Updated: Jul 21, 2020

I am the worst fear of the conservative Christian church culminating in one person. To those who thought that was Aimee Byrd, think again. Allow me to be your new target practice. I'm straight. I have a wonderful husband. I fully profess and believe in the saving work of Jesus. I love the church. I'm a member currently at a wonderful PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) church in Charlottesville, VA. A conservative reformed Presbyterian denomination. For ya'll who don't go to church or are unfamiliar with what a "Presbyterian" church even is, it's called "Presbyterian" to refer to it having a particular kind of church government and at least being influenced by the reformed tradition, following in the footsteps of Martin Luther and John Calvin. There are many different kinds of Presbyterian denominations out there today. There are more "liberal" Presbyterian churches, such as the Presbyterian Church (USA) (abbreviated PCUSA) and the Evangelical Presbyterian Church (EPC). There are the more conservative branches, such as the PCA, the Orthodox Presbyterian Church (OPC), and the Reformed Presbyterian Church of North America (RPCNA). There are more. But those are probably most recognizable. That Presbyterian churches around here all like tagging "America" and "USA" and whatnot to their names just to be confusing never ceases to amuse me. But, confession time: even though I do not profess to believe anything against the creeds that have been longtime passed down throughout church history, like the Nicene Creed and the Apostle's Creed. Even though I fall very much in line what is in the Westminster Confession of Faith (WCF) which for those of you don't know lays out many of the basic tenets of being reformed. Even though I love the Scriptures and believe like my fellow brothers and sisters that it is the infallible and authoritative Word of God. It's time to spill the tea, folks. I do not stand with the church on its tradition of reading the Bible as saying people who are gay or lesbian or trans or what have you are in sin. And I don't think there's anything wrong with our LGBT+ brothers and sisters living in accordance with their desires in this aspect of their lives. I do not think such a teaching is truly supported in Scripture. And when I say, "Our LGBT+ brothers and sisters," it's because there are so many of those who are part of the LGBT community who also profess to believe in Jesus. People who first and foremost believe in Jesus. And it's not necessarily some shallow, watered down "liberal theology" faith either. Bam. Yikes. It's hard for me to say it. Because I know the social cost of saying this. And yet it's not even anywhere near the social cost so many of our brothers and sisters who are part of the LGBT+ community bear. Some of them feel led to deny themselves their own desires because of what they feel they read in Scripture. Some of them, like me, have come to the conclusion that such a burden is not something Scripture commands them to bear - and are told they cannot worship with us if they are living in sin.

But we'll welcome them with open arms should they change their minds on that matter. As for me, though, I don't know how we could ever look at them and say they are somehow not fully and completely our brothers and sisters in Christ. And depending on which of my friends or acquaintances are reading this, this fact will either make you nod your head, or it will make you disappointed, angry, frustrated, broken-hearted perhaps, and/or deeply concerned. And some might be wondering, "Why would you lay this all out here on social media? Is this wise? What does this accomplish?" Let me once again remind my dear friends and all of those who have given me so much love and taught me so many things growing up, for all of you who have been such visible examples of Christ's love and grace towards me - your concern and disappointment is understandable, but it is misplaced. And I'm totally straight last time I checked, married to a most wonderful and loving husband who knows my thoughts on all of these things. And if there was anyone who has heard ALL of the reasons why I should believe differently, trust me. It would be this girl. This girl, who has grown up in the most incredible church, where I feel like I was steeped in such good theology. And it's not for my childhood church's lack of care on the matter. I was given the impression that there was much concern over the "gay and transgender movement" and our "relativistic culture" where "tolerance" is always preached but "objective truth" is denied. I am aware of every single concern. I am aware of every piece of Scripture used. Every verse. Every philosophical argument. Every biological argument. Every inch of theological framework starting in Genesis. I grew up with this. But most importantly and most formative in my life, I was taught the basics of the Christian faith. I was truly raised in a church where the gospel was preached. I was baptized as a child - not a baby, because my parents were somewhat new to the idea of baptizing babies when they became members themselves of the PCA, but before I really understood what it was meant to follow Jesus. And God in his grace opened my eyes as I grew up, and he saved me. It is by grace I have been saved. So, there you have it. Without denying anything about Jesus being the son of God. Without denying any basic tenet of the Christian faith. Without denying the gospel. Without denying any of the five points of Calvinism (so it's kind of funny that I know people will think I'm "liberal"), being 99.9999999% in line with the WCF, and despite my belief in the authoritative Word of God, I'm unorthodox, potentially heretical, "going along with the culture", and the very picture of "liberal theology" infiltrating the church. Me. The worst fear of the conservative church in the US culminating in one person. A sign of the "spirit of the age" in the church. As to why I'm putting all this out there in such a way, it's because I have such a broad group of people I know and love, and we're all social distancing right now. I was trying to figure out the best way to do this, and I decided the best way to start would be here. Writing is something that has always helped me better put words to thoughts I've been having. And putting it on a platform where it is visible will help me so I don't always have to explain what I think repeatedly. Another reason is because it would be so very easy for me to just keep this under wraps. It's not like I'm gay or trans. I'm straight, married, and I go to a PCA church. It would be easy to keep this to myself, and I don't gain anything by spilling the tea. Except I realized the only reason I was not more open about this was because I am afraid of the reactions of people. Not God. And I've been reading through the wisdom literature in the bible a lot recently. And if there's one thing I know that's important, it's that when we fear people more than we fear God, we've got it backwards. God is a refuge for those who fear him. And for those who aren't Christian who happen to read this who shudder at the idea of "fearing" God, it's more like realizing people are ultimately just dust. After our lives are over, we pass away. Time will eventually erode everything. But God is forever, and he's in control of everything. And I truly believe that if he wills it, not a single hair could be plucked from my head. (See Psalm 2 and Psalm 146 for details.) For another reason, there are those who don't have it as easy as me. As hard as it is, it's still easier for me to be open about this than it is for someone who is gay or trans to even talk about what they're going through. They deal with incredibly high stakes. I want to acknowledge that. I also want to fully admit my fallibility. I need grace. And it's a good thing my salvation is not contingent on anything having to do with me, but is in God's hands entirely. Moving on.

One theological concern I want to address: Let me get this straight, Julia. So are you saying we can just do whatever we want without consequence? No. To quote Paul, "'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is beneficial.' 'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is constructive." And it's clear that as people who follow Christ, we are to act in a way that is fitting of members of his body. You don't just keep doing things that are wrong just because it's okay, God will forgive you anyways. But Christians have been disagreeing for a long time about what is permissible. Here's a non-exhaustive list: Eating food sacrificed to idols. Tattoos. Drinking alcohol. Divorce. Ordaining women as deacons. Ordaining women as elders. Piercings. Head coverings. Birth control. Pictures/representations of Jesus or any other member of the Trinity. Some of the things on that list seem like small potatoes. We don't really have the issue of food sacrificed to idols anymore. Nobody really cares if you decide to go out and get a tattoo anymore (bonus points if you get a tattoo cross, in fact, or a bible verse reference). Obviously some people do (I'm looking at you, Lori Alexander.) Some things on that list are still the subject of heated debate and are matters Christians care about. In fact, sometimes where you stand on those issues determines how credible you are and whether or not you "take the bible seriously". Still, on the whole, most would say these are at the end of the day a matter of Christian liberty. Interestingly enough, I had a disagreement recently with a brother in Christ once about depictions of Jesus. He was very much against any visual depiction of Christ, and thought it quite scandalous I'd grown up in a PCA church and still hadn't come out thinking the right traditionally reformed thing on the matter. It was a violation of the second commandment in his eyes. Which, by the way, would be a very big deal if I were wrong about. I'd be in sin every time I voluntarily watch/read/consume things that contain depictions of any member of the Trinity. Or create things that contain said depictions. And if there is anything that should be a weighty matter, it would be worshiping an idol instead of God in such a blatant fashion. And what if I was just sinfully trying to justify viewing depictions of the Trinity because I wanted to watch season one of the new show, The Chosen? Amazingly, though, the brother did not question the sincerity of my faith, and I don't think he would've minded very much if I had worshiped with him at his church, or he at mine. I don't think anybody would've tried to stop me from taking communion, either. But we need to set ourselves apart from "the culture". We are set apart. Almost every single moral code in our history has never deemed "everything" permissible. On the whole, nobody thinks it's okay to: Murder Steal Cheat on one's spouse

Violently assault someone Sexually prey on children Etc. If all you want is for people to adopt a "moral standard", I assure you that your moral standard is much more similar to the "world's" than you'd think. But Scripture is not some "moral code". It is from beginning to end a book which tells us the story of God's redemptive plan for humanity, and ultimately it points us to Jesus. What sets us apart has everything to do with God's grace he freely gives us and the fact that he has chosen us. This should enable us to be, of all people, the most humble and gracious. His grace and love transforms our hearts, and we obey him - not to earn his favor, but in fact the opposite. And I do believe that in the bible we are told that the world would see us not because of our amazing adherence to our own moral codes. Which we cannot even live up to, so it wouldn't work very well and all we'd probably end up being known for is our hypocrisy - Oh, that sounds a little too uncomfortably familiar. The world sees us, but not for our adherence to some moral code. But by our love. By love for our God, and our love for one another. It sounds really hippie, but it's in the bible. "A new command I give you: Love on another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." - John 13:34 The bible is really hippie sometimes. A word to my LGBT+ friends, family, acquaintances, and fellow lovers of Jesus: Y'all know who you are. I'm so very sorry, and I need to apologize and ask for your forgiveness. For a long time, I grew up thinking what everyone around me believed. My heart hurt for people in the LGBT+ community for the harsh and unloving treatment coming from the church, but I also thought the bible was clear on the matter. It took meeting people who were openly gay and trans to see just how wrong I was. To see how often the theological arguments that were thrown like knives were made with some strange skewed image in mind and probably from people who didn't know very many people who were actually trans or gay. I don't know how many people I unintentionally hurt along the way, but I know I did. People would talk with a real fear and disgust about these "issues". But somehow it was forgotten that this was not about an "issue" or a "movement". This was about real people sitting right next to us in church, and I can't even imagine how painful that must have been for you all. Thank you for being so patient and gracious towards me all these years.

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